Hey people from the past.
Today is Turkey day in Guam and I have a hangover. I have had worse hangovers from past, i.e. all of my euro-tour, but this hangover is complementary from a completely night of free booze. A lot of booze.
My Yesterday (Your today)
1400-I get off work.
1514- My buddies and I go to the Horse& Cow (submarine memorial bar). My decides to cover my tab. (Happy hour special: Buy one drink the second one is free.)
1600-Beerdyhrate.
1700-Think happy hour is over.
1701-Find out H.H. still goes for another 2 hours.
1709-Bartender makes the wrong drink for me, twice. I believe in miracles.
1800-Eat some dinner.
1945-H.H. is about to end. Drink faster then I can think.
2010-People from the 705, my boat, find me. They challenge my friend and I to beer pong.
2030-We lost beer pong. In good sportsmanship, guys in my division buy me a car bomb and a shot of 1800 tequila.
2100-We leave H&C. to go to Toy’s Tavern.
2140-We meet a Navy seal. Time and space begin to distort.
2200ish-Seal buys me and my buddies, 3 shots of Patron each.
2230ish-Realizing tequila is a lubricant to overcome the inertia and friction of reality, I order another shot. I become a paradoxical rift in the mystical biological enigma known as human interaction. I develop the ability to say every word in a single sentence instantly. I divulge the answers to life's great mystery such as the missing sock, what is happening in LOST, western vs. eastern views of nudity, and other things.
2240ish-Become aware I should stick to beer.
2330ish-We leave to go to some club. Buddy informs me he only spent 5 dollars on our bar tab at Toy’s.
2400ish- We get to some club. I remember it looks like it should be in some HBO tv show. Immediately after arriving I decide it sucks, do an about-face, and start to leave. Buddy stops me and tells me, and informs me we get a free drink with entrance charge. I liberate a beer from its glassy cage in 3 gulps.
0007ish- We go to another bar next door.
0020ish- Buddy start to get hit on a “buy-me-drinky-girl”, aka a lady of the night. I call her out for be a two-face who is trying to get into my friends pockets. I tell her to get lost and that she needs to get a real job with a face like that. I might have mentioned her jaw line looked like the Florida peninsula. I leave the bar before getting kicked out.
0027ish-Buddy thanks me for saving him.
O***ish- Get home?
At this juncture, I feel compelled to say thanks to my designated driver. I believe my final drink count for the night was roughly 14 beers and 10 shots. Oh god I had a headache this morning.
Well, moving on to now. I am chilling at the rec center on base eating their sponsored holiday meal and using their internet. I am currently posted up, waiting to find a friend with a cell phone so I can figure out what is going on. I still don’t have one, but I really enjoy the freedom I get from not owning one. Everyday is like a real life game of Where’s Waldo. If I win I go out, if I don’t . . . Well I haven’t lost yet. I am pretty good at finding people. In a previous night of intoxication I developed a revolutionary searching technique to be found or to find someone. So far so good.
I think in a bit I. OH SNAP I JUST WON THE RAFFLE. . . I just won a 25 dollar gift card to Outback Steak House. Which reminds me, Guam is like the love child of Japan and America. That child is raised be a Korean nanny and plays in a fresh cut lawn manicured by a Chamorron. Every thing you want is here. All of it is relatively cheap.
Hey I got to go. Movies start in a bit.
